WE TALK Success
“After I graduated and all the fanfare faded away I realized that I needed to reevaluate why I was trying to grind so hard.”
We are back with WE TALK FIVE — a series where WE TAKE FIVE founder Roza Saveleva asks professionals from across the industries 5 questions about the ups and downs of finding the optimal structure for their day-to-day routine.
Today we are here with Bisi Amudalat Oyelola(she/her), a social enterprise analyst at a non-profit food distributor, a position that allows her to bring together her expertise in finance and her commitment to social activism. Bisi is from Connecticut and is now living in Philadelphia, PA.
Question 1: What would you say was the moment when you totally lost it?
I think for me there have been many moments… even though It looked like I had it all together. Almost 2 years ago, I was just frantic. At the time I realized I put too much energy into my college career and I didn’t think about what was going to happen after. I was torn deciding whether I wanted to pursue jobs in NYC or Washington DC. That moment really sparked tapping into my well-being and being transparent with myself on what my success and my pursuits were. I grew up in a small town near the Massachusetts line. I am one of 8 children. Being a daughter of immigrants really ingrained in me this idea of success. I didn’t do quite well in high school… But when I went to college I knew that doing well was very important from a family standpoint and also being able to make it in America. Also success was very important because had I failed there was no way I could afford college, or sometimes even my own well-being… food, mental health resources… I was grinding so hard in college. I was a president of an organization, I put together campus-wide events, and I did really well in school. But it wasn’t necessarily… hm … it was for me but it was also because of the past deflecting back onto me. So without the structure of college, once you graduate you get kind of thrust into the real world and you have to come into terms with who you are. After I graduated and all the fanfare faded away I realized that I needed to reevaluate why I was trying to grind so hard. That’s where the breakdown came, but along [with it] came the epiphany that is very important to define yourself outside of your successes.
Question 2: What helped you through this process of reevaluation?
My support groups. In college I was able to be part of a variety of different organizations. It has helped me tap into my individualities, rather than having to subscribe myself to one specific group. I was very close to my college, I was out in the community doing work, I was advocating, with my organization I was partnering with Rock Nation of all people for a criminal justice reform, I was partnering with artists and creatives. All that helped me find success in communities. Also, speaking with my family and being able to relate these experiences back to them.
Question 3: What were the challenges of communicating with your family and what tools did you find effective?
When you go away like I did, I’ve traveled abroad and went away to college, coming back to a small/medium town that sometimes can remain unchanging, you bring in a perspective that you gained from experiences outside of that town. That communication when you come back can be hard. In college I learned that I had all these identities and I now needed to create a space where I could explore all of those at once. That’s what I did with my family. Most of us went away, and each of us had a slightly different understanding of what it meant to be a part of a big family, a child of immigrants, a child of black immigrants… Fostering that communication really helped us create a bond that allowed us to come together and relate on different aspects and exchange ideas.
Question 4: When did you start feeling solid in who you are and what were the signs of that shift?
I’ve been feeling shifts and transitions throughout my whole entire life. Even before college I knew that I needed to go out and experience the world. So for me that moment of crisis after graduating, or even before that… I knew it intellectually but not yet emotionally. The rational persona knew the transition was coming. Emotionally I don’t think I understood what that would take at that specific moment. I understood that I still had the connections I had developed in college and they weren’t going away. It was just me being labeled as a college student that was going away. And with my family, I knew they were still there. There just needed to be a mode of communication for us to relay back to each other. Once I realized that, both intellectually and emotionally, I realized that there is more to it than just having a label or a stamp; and it is really these relationships that are important to our wellbeing and how we maneuver throughout life. That transition was tough and I am still transitioning. But I really cherish the relationships that I have developed.
Question 5: This seems like a perfect segue for us to talk about Grad&Go. Could you tell us a bit more about it?
I created Grad&Go to help young professionals and recent graduates transition from the undergrad [experience] and understand the resources and opportunities available to them. We live in the age of information overload. Anxiety has increased, depression has increased. I think that correlates with social media but at the same time I believe social media is a great avenue to enact change and to help individuals, especially young people, to navigate their careers. I really try to create the space for resources that allow professionals to bring their wellbeing into the workspace and be better employees and employers.
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